Hey! I knew I left that blog somewhere.

30 Aug

So, after I gave birth to Lila last year nothing happened. The last few days of my pregnancy and the dramatic delivery were kind of exciting, and I got a new baby, so that was good. But then the excitement died down and for a while nothing happened. At all. There was so much nothing happening, in fact, that it took over my life. There were endless days in which nothing happened except I drove Caroline to school and held the baby all day. There were days that I did nothing except respond to the plaintive cry of the American child in its native habitat. You know, it goes like this:  Mommy, I’m HUNGRY!

I couldn’t have typed a blog post if my life had depended on it. I could barely manage to type out Facebook updates, and when I did they were all lowercase and unpunctuated because I was typing with one hand and holding the baby in the other. Sometimes I thought about blogging, posting something here, but there was nothing to write about. Except holding a baby and nursing and driving kids to school and the struggle to keep the laundry and dirty dishes at bay.

Don’t get me wrong. There was great joy in these moments. Getting to know Lila, watching her grow, seeing the bigger girls interact with their baby sister. We sent Caroline off to first grade not too long ago, and that was wonderful and terrifying. But there was no space around all these little things to fit myself into. There was nothing at all happening, but there was so much of this nothing going on that it left no room for any kind of something.

In the background of all this nothing, I started hearing my husband make noises about moving. He had been really, really unhappy at work for a really, really long time. He wanted a new job, and I wanted a new job for him, but we couldn’t get a bite on his resume to save our lives. Then there was the day he mentioned a job possibility in Dallas.

“As in Texas?” I asked.

“That’s the one,” he replied.

For months and months he talked about Texas. I quickly realized that he was serious. And I thought, Hm. Texas might be okay. But time passed and the thing in Dallas never materialized. So we had done all this talking about Texas and finally after a while it seemed like it wouldn’t happen.

Except, then, it did.

Not in the way we expected. Another opportunity came knocking, if I may use the cliché. Not in Dallas, but in Austin. The only drawback? The salary is low. Like, really low. The last time my husband made anything close to the teensy amount he is making right now was when he started out as a tech in the ’90′s. But this was a job that just couldn’t be turned down. It’s not about the money, it’s about the future and getting in at the beginning of something really cool and diving back into the kind of work he wants to be doing feet first. It’s a cannonball, really. Into the deep end. And we’re hoping the ensuing splash is big and wide.  But the tiny salary and the length of the contract meant that he would have to go to Texas by himself. While I would take the kids and – oh help me Jesus – move in with my parents.

It all happened so fast. I think there were maybe three weeks between the day Mr. Caffeinated spoke to the recruiter for the first time and the day I was standing in my old bedroom, trying to figure out how to wedge myself, three kids, an irritating cat and a shitload of clothes and shoes into my parent’s house. I still haven’t quite managed it.

It hasn’t been all bad, living with Grammy and Papa. I miss my husband terribly, but it’s nice to have some help with the kids. I just wish my mom had kept my old Duran Duran posters. It would make me feel so much better every morning when I wake up in a double bed with three kids stuck to me at odd angles and a cat asleep on my head to look over and see John Taylor gazing deep into my sleep matted eyes. He’s still hungry like the wolf. Or maybe I’m hungry like the wolf. Whatever. Nevermind.

The point is, something is happening now. We are having a different sort of life suddenly and the nothing has given way. It’s like a scene right out of The Neverending Story, but without the giant flying dog. Also, it’s late and clearly I have stopped making sense. In addition, my whole theme of nothing versus something has fallen apart here at the end. I think it’s okay, though. This messy life, this messy blog. It’s mine, all of it. My something.

See? I made it work. And I’m happy to be back here, with you.

xo

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29 Responses to “Hey! I knew I left that blog somewhere.”

  1. pamela August 30, 2010 at 5:39 am #

    you are brave. and i love you long time.

  2. youcantcallitit August 30, 2010 at 6:21 am #

    Hey! Welcome back to the blogosphere. Love the new digs, but where are your old posts? Protecting them from “the sequel”?

  3. Michele August 30, 2010 at 6:27 am #

    Welcome back. When you have 3 little ones your life sort of stops. It will get back on track but it takes time.

    I’m still getting info on the Austin house front and will get back to you soon. When do you think you’ll be coming out this way?

  4. Karen Knapper August 30, 2010 at 6:49 am #

    Welcome back, lady. You’ve been missed. :)

  5. Sprite's Keeper August 30, 2010 at 6:58 am #

    Atreyu!
    (If that’s not the way it’s spelled, it should be..)
    Welcome back, Blis Caf. I was getting tired of calling you Jen for so long. :-)

  6. Chris Wood August 30, 2010 at 8:27 am #

    The answer is surely clear – train Lila to type with her toes. Simple, really, plus this will give her an excellent kick start when it comes to numeracy.

    I should be charging for this advice, I really should.

  7. foradifferentkindofgirl (fadkog) August 30, 2010 at 9:56 am #

    I am glad you’re back here. My mom has all my Duran Duran posters in her basement. If you ever suddenly find yourself on Iowa, John and I will do all we can toake you feel at home!

  8. jimh. August 30, 2010 at 11:06 am #

    glad to have you back!!

  9. Captain Dumbass August 30, 2010 at 12:54 pm #

    Think of how cool everything would be if you had the flying dog.

  10. Steenky Bee August 30, 2010 at 1:40 pm #

    Honey, you’ll always be something to me. You and the Mr. will just have to work out some conjical visits. Congical? How do you spell that? I wouldn’t know, I’ve never had any. So glad you’re back!!!

  11. Lawyer Mom August 30, 2010 at 2:08 pm #

    Wow. You really are on an adventure. Welcome back. And hang in there!

  12. WaltzInExile August 30, 2010 at 6:52 pm #

    Yeaaa for somethings of one’s own! And also, for your return :)
    If you could see fit to send some spare fearlessness my way…?

  13. Rose August 30, 2010 at 7:44 pm #

    I am glad that you are back and well. See that whole lot of nothing led to the big something. My trio lives with my in laws because of a “cannonball” move…I know the struggle. I pray your splashes are wide and far.

  14. Jenni August 31, 2010 at 9:35 am #

    You’re back, wah-hoo!

    So much change, so fast! Why can you guys come a little further east!? We’re supposed to be neighbors, remember?

  15. Laurin August 31, 2010 at 11:40 am #

    The one day in all of history I’m checking my blogroll links for accuracy and you’re back????? Freaky and very exciting. Welcome back! And yay for cannonballs.

  16. CoffeeJitters (Judy Haley) August 31, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    I moved back with my parents once; I’m still in therapy ;)

    Welcome back.

  17. Casey September 1, 2010 at 11:04 am #

    Wait, who are you again? I seem to remember something about a girl with a blog by this name…

    Wow, you have had a crazy-assed year. I guess one advantage of moving back in with the rents is built in babysitters? Can I move in too?

  18. Keely September 2, 2010 at 9:29 am #

    Aw, man, now I want a flying dog.

    Welcoem back :)

  19. The Mayor September 2, 2010 at 7:31 pm #

    Interesting. I just left my real estate business behind in Michigan to follow my husband to Austin. Drug 3 of our 6 children with us (3 are post college). It’s been a whirlwind of epic proportions this summer.

    Texas is different, so far it is hells bells hot, but I’m looking forward to the adventure. I love the “sir” and “mam” part.

    School has started and I’m slowly but surely getting a lay of the land. If you need a hand, and ear or a really yummy cocktail you got the goods on me.

  20. HeatherPride September 3, 2010 at 5:15 pm #

    Oh my goodness, you guys are on an adventure!!! I am a little jealous! Good luck with your new endeavors! If I come across a poster of Duran Duran, I’ll ship it your way :)

  21. AmyLK September 6, 2010 at 6:35 am #

    welcome back! And you definitely have a full plate! Hope you are able to settle in and find time to update us on everything.

  22. VandyJ September 8, 2010 at 9:30 am #

    Good to see you back in the blogosphere. Enjoy the curves life throws at you–it’s what makes life interesting.

  23. apathy lounge September 10, 2010 at 5:39 pm #

    Holy Crap! I’m glad you’re back! I lost hope after awhile and hoped all was well. Does this mean that, once things settle down, you might move to Texas too? Because…well…I’m here. Not in Austin…but in Fort Worth…which isn’t all that far. Just a thought.

  24. Christie September 15, 2010 at 4:52 pm #

    From my own deep and receding trenches, I lob over a hug and a care package of “I get ya!”…life since China…life since January…life since Ethiopia? I can’t quite get my bearings…

    And it’s made all the difference.

    Love you

  25. Crystal Faith November 1, 2010 at 11:05 am #

    You are so funny Jen, you should write a book. I would read it. Maybe even outside of the bathroom as well.

  26. Christie December 9, 2010 at 1:34 pm #

    Ok, well it’s just flat out unfair to come back to tempt us and then disappear again. I’z sad. (but I love you anyway!) Now, make me laugh. I demand it.

  27. Leslie October 16, 2011 at 7:55 pm #

    It’s tough getting back to the “somethings” when the “nothings” have taken over your life. It sounds like you are out of the woods now! Great post – you wrap up so nicely!

  28. Leslie October 16, 2011 at 7:57 pm #

    Oh and congrats on your husband’s new job – hang in there. Everything will work out swimmingly.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Tweets that mention Hey! I knew I left that blog somewhere. « -- Topsy.com - August 31, 2010

    [...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer Maselli, Laurin Evans. Laurin Evans said: Look who's back! RT @JenMaselli I gestated this post as long as I gestated my last baby. http://wp.me/pgQcP-BM [...]

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