Nothing’s gonna change my world

(Parts one and two of Baby Half Caff’s birth story can be found here and here…)

So, then things got scary fast. The anesthesiologist who would be handling my C section wanted to put me under a general instead of a spinal. They were planning to put me down and take the baby out really fast to minimize the amount of anaesthesia she would be exposed to. Then the plan was to INTUBATE ME and PUT ME ON A VENTILATOR to treat the pneumonia. Shortly after that discussion with my OB and the anesthesiologist, I kissed my husband and was wheeled away into surgery not knowing when I would be conscious again, knowing that I would be on a ventilator in ICU for at least a day or two and not knowing when I would see my baby. The one thing I requested of my doctor was that I not wake up with a tube down my throat. He promised they would keep me sedated until the tube was out.

The next thing I remember is waking up and feeling paralyzed and unable to breathe. They had let me wake up with the tube down my throat. That was Wednesday. They sedated me back down and I have no memory of anything else until Friday. I only know what was told to me later. I’ve spent a lot of time since that Friday trying to put together the days that I missed.

From Mr. Caffeinated’s Facebook page:

October 14 10:24 pm

 Baby Maselli (TBA) was born at 4:40pm weighing 7lbs 9oz, 20″ long. Jen was immediately admitted into ICU and put on a ventilator. She has pneumonia so we are pretty concerned. Please keep us in your prayers the next few days…

October 15 9:37 am

Baby is doing fine and eating well. Jen responded well to antibiotics but her white blood cell count is still high. The goal for the day is getting her to breathe on her own. Baby steps…

October 15 9:55 pm

Baby was transferred out of NICU quarantine (since it will take forever …for flu test results, CDC automatically assumes it’s H1N1 which I agree is the safest approach) and to a regular recovery room where my sister-in-law, mom and sister have been with the baby since I left her yesterday. I have yet to hold Baby Maselli (sorry for the name suspense but mom has veto power on this one) but I should be cleared tomorrow.

Jen kicked some a$$ today. Her breathing tube was removed at 1pm but the respiratory Dr noticed a hole in her lung and put a tube in to aid her breathing. She needed to stay oxygenated in order for Dr to keep her off ventilator. The problem today is her left lung isn’t expanding so she is having trouble breathing. They put a bigger tube in and from that moment she’s been at 98-100% oxygenated. They cut her back to 40% oxygen in her mask and when I last checked it was at 30%.

I will never be able to thank all of you individually for all you have done for me and my family, but please know that we appreciate and love you for your support. It has been exhausting to say the least. I’m looking forward to having all my family in one place.

Love, DM

Apparently, I spent a pretty quiet night in the ICU on the ventilator after the baby was born. Meanwhile, the baby was being quarantined from both me and Danny due to fears that we would expose her to the H1N1 that I supposedly had. As bad as it was that I couldn’t hold my new little one, I can’t imagine how hard it must have been on my husband. I was knocked out on drugs and had no clue what was going on, but Danny was well aware that his baby was being kept from him. Luckily my sister-in-law was able to come and care for the baby and we didn’t have to leave her in the nursery with strangers. My mother-in-law and my husband’s sister were also able to come and help care for Lila until Danny and I were able to.

The vent tube was removed on Thursday, but after it was removed the doctor realized that my lung had collapsed or been punctured or something. A chest tube was inserted into my back (poor unsuspecting Mr. C watched the Dr. cut open my back and shove the tube in), they quickly realized it was too small, pulled it out and inserted a bigger tube. My husband spent a looong  day on Thursday sitting with me, feeding me ice chips and forcing me to keep the oxygen mask on my face. He says I was awake and talking on Thursday, but I don’t remember anything of that day.

October 16 9:19 am

Jen has mask off and has the cool nasal thingys. She is talking and coherent (and making some pretty funny jokes) but still groggy from the pain meds. Man, the power of prayer… Always amazes me…

Baby is great and she weighs the same. Hopefully, we can see and meet her together Also gonna push the name issue. Not my fault if our baby ends up named Rose Sparkles (the girls request) because of the drugs!

Love, DM

The first real coherent thought that I remember having is, “Why am I laying on a bed full of cats?”  I woke up and had these crazy pants on that kneaded my legs (to prevent clots?) like cats. I had no idea what had been going on, what day it was or why I was wearing cat pants.  That was Friday and that was the day that I met Lila for the first time. I was still really out of it, but at that point my own memory of events kicks in. Lila was being discharged from the hospital that day and my husband fought the doctor and nurses to make sure that I met her and held her before she went home.

It’s so strange to look at this picture and have almost no memory of it happening. I have no clue who gowned and gloved me, I don’t remember being wheeled to see the baby, I don’t remember anyone handing the baby to me. I just have a faint memory of holding her in my arms and thinking, “This is my baby.”

I know I was still really quite sedated because I wasn’t distressed at all that she was going home without me. It just didn’t even register. My husband says that every time I was awake enough to speak over those few days the first thing I would ask is, “Where is the baby?” Mercifully, I don’t remember worrying about her.

October 16 6:52 pm

Baby was discharged today and Mom walked today so we hope to have her home soon too...BTW, her name is Lila Genevieve Maselli.

Saturday morning the chest tube came out of my back (they kept calling it a chest tube even though it wasn’t in my chest). That was a horrifying if brief experience. I really started to wake up and have an awareness of my surroundings and situation Saturday morning. Once again my sweet and wonderful husband worked some magic with the medical staff, getting them to move me out of the ICU and into the Mother/Baby ward where they allowed Lila to come back to the hospital to stay with me, even though she had already been discharged.

Danny brought the baby to me in the Mother/Baby ward and it was if I had never been separated from her. After having my meds changed and dumping out several ounces of breast milk I was able to start nursing Lila on Sunday and she never even hesitated.

I continued to improve over the weekend and Monday morning  my OB came in to see me. He looked at me and said, “I can’t believe this but we’re going to let you go home today.” He said that after seeing me on Thursday he would never have imagined that they would be discharging me on Monday, a sentiment that was echoed by the wonderful internist who treated me in the ICU, but these doctors were not counting on my super recovery powers. Or my sheer stubborness and determination not to stay in that hospital a second longer than necessary.

October 19 4:19 pm

Just got home with Jen and Baby Lila. Finally have the girls in one place… Excuse while I step into the other room and collapse for a few days.

I made it home and sobbed when I saw my other girls walk trough the front door. I didn’ t realize until that moment that I had been tightly compartmentalizing my worry for Caroline and Avery every day that I was in the hospital. I just had to have faith in my family that my kids would all be cared for until I made it home and they were. I will never be able to really thank my mom and dad, my mother-in-law, sister-in-law and my other sister-in-law in particular for taking care of my girls when I wasn’t able to.

I’m also so thankful for the wonderful care I received from the doctors and nurses at the hospital where I was treated.

We’ll probably never know why I developed pneumonia. The flu swabs were negative and I was tested and treated for just about anything and everything, including viral, bacterial and fungal illnesses. There are just no answers. I’ve been home from the hospital for a week and while I have felt better than I did at any point during the last two weeks of my pregnancy, I’m definitely not fully back to myself. I have to really watch how much I exert myself and make sure I’m resting enough or I do get breathless and tired. But again, I just feel so thankful and relieved to be past the illness and have Lila safely home with us. She wasn’t completely unaffected by the anaesthesia and had a rough first few minutes (1 min APGAR of 5, but 5 min APGAR was 9), so we are more than happy to have her home and have nothing more to deal with than a little jaundice and a blocked tear duct.

Now we are all just working on getting back to normal, whatever that is.

Thanks so much to all of you who emailed and messaged and followed Facebook updates and left concerned or encouraging comments. You’ll never know what it meant to wake up and read those words of care and congratulations and love.

 

xo

-Jen