“Welcome back heartburn and indigestion! I didn’t expect to see you so soon.”
“How ya doin’ nighttime leg cramps? I’d actually forgotten all about you.”
“Ah, pelvic pain, I remember you quite vividly. Come in if you must. Can’t say I’m happy to see you.”
It feels like I’m welcoming old friends back into my life with the onset of each pregnancy symptom. Some are definitely less welcome than others.
I can’t stretch out my legs at night because they cramp up into Charlie horses if I’m not careful. And I’ve been having terrible indigestion and heartburn, of the ilk that is usually reserved for the third trimester when a giant baby is sitting on my digestive tract. Pepcid has been helping to keep the fiery burning and reflux (a polite way of saying vomit that doesn’t quite make it out of my throat) under control, but I feel like my favorite part of being pregnant has been taken away.
In both of my previous pregnancies the second trimester was a 3 month food orgy. Food tasted great, I had a huge appetite and wasn’t afraid to satisfy it. I’m talking tacos for dinner followed by pancakes and bacon for dessert.
This time around it’s impossible. I’m not even that hungry. Every time I do eat something I feel sick afterward. Nothing sounds particularly great, and even when something does sound good (kung pao chicken) I regret it afterward.
It’s so depressing. I want to be able to eat a lot. This is the last time I’m going to get the free food ride followed by the breastfeeding diet, so I want to make the most out of it and I can’t. The horrifying part is that even though I’m not eating that much it looks on the outside like I am.
At my last OB appointment the nurse practitioner told me I had only gained 20 pounds so far. Which may sound like a lot to some of you, since some women only gain 20-30 pounds total during a pregnancy, but I am not one of those women. I gained over 50 with Caroline and close to 70 with Avery. So to be more than halfway through with a gain of 20 pounds is triumph.
However, I have seen recent pictures of myself and I look like Jabba the Hut. It doesn’t look like 20 pounds. It looks like I’m carrying sextuplets: one in each arm, one in each thigh, one in the ass and the smallest one up front. My arms are so fat that my elbows have disappeared. And I have cankles. It’s true.
My pregnancy waddle has been resurfacing, also. I have this pregnancy walk where I kind of paddle my arms to propel myself and my belly forward. I didn’t realize I was doing it until my husband pointed it out when I was pregnant with Avery. Now I realize when I’m doing it, but I have to keep the paddling up because it helps me get around.
I also noticed last week that I can no longer see my, uh, bikini area. Which makes the necessary trimming a bit difficult. I would just say, “The hell with it,” and let it go except for something that happened during my C Section last time.
As I was laying on the table and they were getting everything ready for the surgery, the nurse looked at my, uh, bikini area and asked, “Do you want me to do some prep down here, Doctor?”
I was mortified. Because I knew. I knew it was a mess down there, but this is what I looked like at the end of my last pregnancy:
And I dare anyone to try and use a razor or wax on their, uh, bikini area with that kind of a roadblock in the way.
But now I’m sensitive to how it may look down there when I go in for this C Section. I’m going to have to think of some way to keep things looking neat in my, uh, bikini area for the duration of this pregnancy.
Other than the indigestion and unchecked bikini area growth, though, things are progressing really smoothly. I feel happy to be having such an uneventful pregnancy. My aforementioned visit to the nurse practitioner took all of 5 minutes. She measured my stomach, I heard baby’s heartbeat on Doppler, complained about the heartburn, and she kicked me out the door. It was nice.
24 weeks down, 15 or so to go.
Filed under: It's a new babeh
Two Words: PAPAYA ENZYMES
Much better for you and half caf than the Pepcid. You should be able to find them at any health food store.
No worries about the bikini area! You’ll be numb anyway! They’re gonna bill you for it, it’s true. They did none of that to me because I took care of things myself before the big day, but the bill breakdown? Yup, it was there. A hundred bucks for the nurse to peak and say “looks good to me”.
I have a cure for the heartburn. Email me.
wow, just when I was thinking I was about ready to go for number three. (I am so kidding right now. About being ready for #3.)
you pack quite the glorious baby bump, my friend. you looked amazing with avery, and i’m willing to bet you look gorgeous right now. revel in the cankles.
You can always go in for a bikini wax. It would cost a whole lot less than what the hospital will charge and they’ll do a nicer job. I do think I’d stop short of a full Brazilian though but that’s just me. HA!
You looked terrific with Avery and I’m sure you look terrific with Half Calf. Just keep telling yourself it’s water weight.
But see how my arms are somewhat normally sized in that picture and I’m mostly giant belly? This time my arms are freaking huge and my ass is super wide, but my belly isn’t that big. Gah.
I totally feel like when you email Karen she’s going to tell you that the cure for heartburn is semen. But then again, I just read Jenny the Bloggess and she talked about semen for like an hour or so, except maybe not really that long because I had to KEEP READING it over and over because I just couldn’t believe all of the semen talk, because really? Only the Bloggess.
And I swear to GOD. If HB walks around my house saying, “Where’s my mommy?” for the rest of the day, and then I say, “I’m right here” because hello, smartypants McGee, here I freaking AM, and then he says, “Ummm, no. *MY* mommy.” as if I am not the one who did all of the extravaginal pushing to bring him here… I swear my head will explode.
And if you spent a little time with your hoohoo before the hubs spent a little time with your hoohoo, you could create a fairly accurate sense memory and clean that thing up without looking. Just a thought.
Oh my God. I leave great comments.
You really do.
And if semen really is a cure for heartburn, I will just have to take the pain.
I’m 24 weeks preggo, too and am in the same boat. I’ve only been pregnant once before but it seems like i”m getting the heartburn, pelvic pain and leg cramps a lot sooner in this one. No fun!
And just to make you feel better, I am SO not one of those women that gain 25 lbs for the whole pregnancy. I gained nearly 100 with my daughter (50 of it was water and gone within two weeks, the other 50 was mine to keep). I gained 7 lbs last month…in ONE month!
Huh. Here I was all despondent that I may never be able to have a second child. Thank you ever so much for making me feel better…and reminding me of all those things.
I gained over 60 while pregnant with X. Helloooo, License to Eat.
Pamela…my husband tries to convince me that semen cures cancer, will help me lose 5 pounds, make me eternally young, etc.
NOT. FALLING. FOR. IT.
Ha! I was right! Karen *was* going to tell you semen is a cure for heartburn AND ingrown toenails.
Awesome.
Maybe Karen’s husband is related to Jenny the Bloggess?
I didn’t gain any more than 25 pounds with all three of my kids, and I’m not kidding you, I still looked like a fucking Weeble Wobble.
You’re still HAWT. So there.
I just thought I should let you know that I left the above comment at the EXACT same time you left one on my blog.
That’s really creepy. It’s like were connected. Or something.
Wow, this post brings back a lot of memories for me. When I was preggers,I felt like some massive deformed human object, really weird.
But your bird-with-a-basketball picture just makes me jealous. Because every single part of me was BIG with my one and only.
Best wishes, Tiny Tinkerbell!
You have that Hollywood starlet pose (hand on hip) working for you there. You look exactly like a healthy momma about to give birth.
Take extra calcium tablets, it may help with the leg cramps (former OB nurse here) and don’t worry one second about below the bump maintenance.
Wow, you poor thing. Sorry this pregnancy isn’t going as smoothly as you would like.
But, I just want to say your preggo picture from last time is AWESOME. I love how your belly is SO huge and you totally aren’t. I was huge EVERYWHERE so I am totally jealous of those women who are all belly.
Hope you are feeling better soon!
Wow…what a day to pick to read you.
. Jen, I think you’re gorgeous. I think all pregnant women are gorgeous. My wife was stunning. (Can’t wait to share that experience with her again.) Anyway, this is a long way of saying, you’ll do great! And, um, hopefully this isn’t TMI but husbands CAN help take care of the…underthereness… 
Wow, Bliss, you had me scared for a minute. I thought that photo was of you NOW! I thought, not due until Oct. and that big already? What is she having? Does it have telescoping jaws? I was getting ready to call Sigourney Weaver for help!!!…
It may actually have telescoping jaws. It feels like there is something odd kicking my ass from the inside.
You just reminded me of all of the things I don’t miss about being pregnant. At least I had food going for me the second time around, I’m so sorry you have no appetite!
I got stuck in a restaurant booth the week before I had Elliot. Literally stuck, I spent the entire meal eating sideways and then Jamie had to pry me free at the end. Here’s hoping you don’t achieve that whale-status like I did. You were adorable the last time around (from the pic, I wasn’t looking in your window or anything) and I’m sure you’re adorable now too.
I had horrible indigestion too when I was pregnant. Especially toward the end. Ugh! Hang in there. I also had the sciatica pain and now it still flairs up from time to time.
No fun. But the end result…so worth it!
OMG. Just OMG. The picture. OMG.
That’s not right.
That’s….it’s….omg.
You’re sure you had a baby and not a 5th grader?
I know you to be a very cute, adorable, well put together, highly sexy girlfirend when not pregnant.
However, I am here to testify (as evidenced on the not so long ago Scrap-Away) that babies do remarkably uncomfortable and extenuating things to your poor little frame.
Good grief woman, that ain’t right.
Okay, Girl. That’s one damn impressive prego-pic!
About a week before our youngest was born, I just couldn’t bear what was going on ‘down there’ and what the nursing staff would have to cope with, so I made my husband take care of it. Sigh…
Other than the whole process of getting pregnant, I think it was the most intimate we’d ever been. I also made him swear we’d never speak of that moment ever again.
So here I am, sharing it on the Internet. YEAH!
Ah, pregnancy is such a beautiful thing, isn’t it?
I’m kinda awestruck by that pic.
Hang in there.
Dear Lord! How big was that babeh? I had the same issue, decided to get a wax right before delivery….BAD IDEA…YOWZA…that hurts when you are preggers!
I’ve seen pythons that swallowed dairy cows that were smaller than you in this picture. Dude. How many placentas were IN there?
You were still all glow-y, though, so no worries.